Tuesday, February 28, 2012

First Fights

Whether you're newly engaged or recently married, you and your partner are bound to have disagreements on things.   Having different opinions and ideas is perfectly normal.  Sharing your different views is also a healthy part of any relationship.   It's important, however, to limit those disagreements from turning into heated arguments and escalated fights. When it appears that an argument is on the way, try to curtail it by trying some of these ideas: 1) Listen, listen, listen- regardless of the conversation, make sure you are listening to each other.  Hear out you fiance or spouse.  What are they saying and is there some underlying message they are trying to get across.  2) Approach all topics of conversation with an open mind- ask your partner about whatever is on his mind and make sure you're understanding it correctly.  Try and put yourself in his shoes to see where he is coming from. 3) Disagree with calm and class- if you're still in disagreement, try and keep your cool, while explaining your point of view.  If possible, find a point of his that you agree with and see if some sort of compromise will work out. 4) Take a break- if the conversation doesn't appear to be taking the right turn, excuse yourselves for a breather until you both feel composed and even-headed enough to continue your discussion.
Remember that verbal abuse, property destruction, and physical violence have no place in a healthy relationship.  If you fall into one of these categories or if you and your partner are having more arguments than seems normal, it may be helpful to seek professional help.  Couples counseling gives you both a forum to address your concerns with an impartial "mediator" and to learn healthy communication styles. Self-help books and other motivational books or seminars may also prove beneficial.  Don't think that just because you want counseling or had a fight that you and your significant other aren't meant for each other.  We all need a little help now and again and in some cases, that makes the relationship stronger.

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