Family Feuds

'Tis the season of holidays and for many of us, family gatherings.  And while the idea of coming together with our relatives to celebrate the holidays and special occasions sounds warm and inviting, it can also be stressful.  Whether we want to admit it or not, family get-togethers are not always pleasant.  Grudges, rehashing past experiences and uncomfortable conversations can lead you to counting down the minutes until everybody leaves.


So how can you manage all the emotions and feelings that come up when your family is visiting? While there is no clear cut answer to that question, since everybody's situation differs, it's helpful to remind yourself that though you may not be able to control other people's words and actions, you can control your own.  Staying in a place of peace and calm will help you maintain control of the events surrounding you.  Not allowing yourself to get drawn into family drama will reduce the likelihood of escalating negative emotions. Informing family members that you would prefer everybody focus on the positive things in life during this holiday season may set the stage for a better experience.  Of course, you are likely to have to make several such requests.  If family members persist in bringing your holiday spirits down with unwanted chatter, it might be worth it to try taking them aside and acknowledging the importance of what they would like to discuss.  Then let them know that you can give them your full attention to address the matter on such and such day after the holidays.


This holds true for brides as well.  Certainly at family gatherings, relatives will be giving you unsolicited advice about your wedding.  If  you'd rather not discuss all the wedding details and get into potential squabbles, tell them that the holiday is your day off  from wedding planning and that you are not engaging in any wedding talk, but would rather focus on family, friends, etc. (see the previous post).  Sticking to what you say is important as well.  Show others that you have the strength to stand up for what you've decided and  the will to maintain your positive and happy disposition throughout.