Being Mother-of-the-Bride

You're engaged and soon to be married. You have never been happier. Everyone around you is excited and you're energized and ready to begin planning the wedding you've always dreamed of. There is only one problem. Your mother.

You are sure she is going to want to take control over everything. After all, she has been that way for as long as you can remember. Or maybe your mother has always been the supportive type, but all of the sudden she has her own ideas and isn't as understanding as she seemed to be prior to your engagement. And if you're fortunate, maybe your mom wants you to have your wedding as you envision it and is agreeable to whatever you decide. Like all people, every bride's mother is different. Acknowledging that and understanding what's going through mom's head can help ease some of the emotional drama that comes along with planning a wedding.

Like other attitudes, needing or wanting control has it's place and reasons. It is quite common for brides to experience this with their mothers; so know that your are not alone. There are a number of explanations. Here are a few to consider:

If you and your mother had a good relationship in the past, mom might now feel as if she is "losing you." Her baby girl is moving on and out and what's left for her to hold onto, but the wedding? By grasping at ways to stay involved in your plans and life, it might give her the sense that she doesn't have to "let go" just yet. If that might be the case, talk to her about your feelings, expectations, and relationship. Give her some pointed tasks, so she knows you still need her. Also, remind her that regardless of your relationship with your soon to be husband, you'll always love her.

Another possibility is that your mother had hopes about her own wedding. She can be trying to recreate them through you or right some past wrong she may have done while planning her wedding. This is more of a delicate situation and may be better handled if brought up by a third party. Similarly, if a mother has her own emotional challenges or a controlling personality, it can be harder to deal with on your own. In these cases, mom wants everything to be perfect, may be concerned what her friends will think, or simply feels she knows what's best. Emotions run higher in these instances and trying to talk to her about it, may not get you anywhere, but more frustrated. Professional help may be warranted if you feel at your wit's end or your relationship is becoming more strained.

Finally, maybe your mother doesn't know what to feel or what her role is in your wedding. Being proactive and directive in this case helps. Give your mother a role, a job she will enjoy and that helps you. This gives her something to focus on, rather than to try and tackle it all. These are just some examples of what mothers of the bride might be thinking. There are a myriad of other possibilities too. Remember that all mothers are unique and respond differently to various situations. Use your best judgment to determine what might work best with your mother. Happy Mother's Day!

Don't Jump Into Decisions: Choose Your Party Hosts Wisely

You're recently engaged. That may mean parties are on the horizon. Whether it's an engagement party or a bridal shower, you'll be deciding who might host specific celebrations. To make the most of this exciting time, decide on what kind of parties you do or do not want. You don't need to have a special affair simply because someone asks to host it or because it's done in other circles. You and your groom can choose what works best for you.

Next, you'll determine who might play host to your decided on celebrations. One person or more may volunteer to throw you a party but that doesn't necessarily mean you should agree to it. In most cases, people who want to host a celebration for you, know you well. If that's true, it means you know them too. Before giving someone the thumbs up, think about them and their personality. Do they have a take charge personality? Would they take your ideas into consideration? Are their views in line with yours? Is this a person who you know worries a lot or has to call or text you frequently for minor issues? Is she unreliable or challenging to work with? Asking yourself some of these questions ahead of time, may save you from making a poor choice. There are always polite ways to decline someone's invitation to host or to choose someone else who you feel confident will make the experience as easy and fun as possible.

What if it's too late? What if you already agreed to someone who is now making your life more stressful. You're starting to feel annoyed by their behavior and wish you never decided on a party in the first place. You have a couple of choices. Either you can confront the person about their behavior or you can ignore it. Neither choice is easy and both are uncomfortable in different ways. If you decide to talk to your host, get some counsel ahead of time as to how to approach the topic. This will be a good lesson to remember for the future as well. It won't be the last time, people will want to give you a party. So when the same individual begs to throw you a baby shower, politely decline, and save yourself from being in another uncomfortable situation.