Did you read about the groom who allegedly faked his own death to avoid marrying his fiancé recently? You can read more about that here. Seems a bit drastic, no doubt. And while we don't know all the details, it certainly helps to address any potential anxiety, fears, or cold feet before the "I do." Being open and honest about your feelings ahead of time is the best way to start your relationship and is a critical component once you're married. How do you know if your relationship is in trouble? Here are some red flags to look out for.
1) He's Not Involved- This may not necessarily be a red flag, but can be. Some men aren't into the whole wedding planning thing, but most men enjoy at least some aspects of it. If your groom seems to not want to participate in anything wedding related, you may want to broach the subject with him. Not showing an interest or being involved in any of your wedding preparations could be a sign that he's not ready or certain of your upcoming nuptials.
2) He's Not the Same- If you begin seeing changes in your groom's character and he doesn't appear to be "the same" as when you were dating, be weary. Behavior or personality changes, like being more quiet, not socializing like he used to, or even having trouble at work or sleeping can mean something significant is bothering him. Best to find out what before you spend too much time, money, and effort planning for your wedding.
3) He's Always Busy- You used to be inseparable and all of the sudden your groom is too busy with work and other commitments to go out with you. Sure, you're busy too with all the wedding details, but making time for each other is key. If you don't seem to be spending enough time with each other, set aside a day to discuss your schedules. If your partner appears to have excuses for every day you'd like to have a date, call him out on it. Be upfront and express your concerns.
4) He's Apathetic- Personalities are different. Some people are introverts and other extroverts. But even if your groom is an introvert, he should be able to show some positive feelings about your engagement and wedding. If he appears apathetic about the whole thing, there is a problem. The two of you might be under stress but still should feel excited about the new phase in your relationship.
5) He's Become Abusive- Emotional, physical, or verbal abuse is never okay. If your partner has always been kind and gentle and is all of the sudden degrading you or abusive in some way, take a big step back. You might think, 'he's just under a lot of stress,' 'he's always been wonderful before,' or 'this is a just a one time thing.' Your partner may even tell you some of these things. Unfortunately, that's usually how abusive relationships start. Get out before you get hurt or too involved in what could be a highly dysfunctional or potentially dangerous relationship.
These 5 potential red flags are in no way a comprehensive list. It's a start. You know your partner. If there are other things that seem unusual or out of character, try to get a handle on it and talk it through. Remember that red flags can appear at any point in your relationship and the sooner you address them the better off you'll be.
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